Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
