I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
