wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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