Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
