I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
