Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
