You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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