he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize