never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize