No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
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having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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