I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
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When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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