My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
