you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
