Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
