Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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