i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
