I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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