when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
