just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
