It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
