Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
