when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize