I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
