i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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