I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He better not be in your backpack
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
