True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize