thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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