walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
