U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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