If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
