So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
