he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
