If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
