bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
