so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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