We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
