I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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