You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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