As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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