Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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