shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
