Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
