i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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