all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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