I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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