I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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