He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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