PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
