dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
