The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
