we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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