once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Pooping to opera.
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