hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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