I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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