I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
