Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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