Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
