I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
