Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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