so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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