morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
