Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
