I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I could make wine with my vomit
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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