Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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