Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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