Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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