I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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