Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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