I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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