so explain again why im purple
no
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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