I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
