her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
