atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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