i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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