We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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