"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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