There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
