Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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