The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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