I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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