They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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