The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
