this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
