she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
