smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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