im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
